Hi,

I'm Glenn Baker. Chairman of Totton Town Football Club. As this week sees a void in fixtures i have decided to take this opportunity to give my view on the club and share with you my superior wisdom of the beautiful game.

THE SEASON SO FAR,

Ye, i'm happy with what i've seen so far and to be honest it hasn't come as a surprise to me. The quality of players we have rival any within the Junior and Senior leagues and i strongly believe this will show in next weeks game against City Central. Theres an old saying; ''The bigger they are, the harder they fall'' Theres some truth in this. Obviously when you're as big and strong as I'am then falling isn't an issue. When you are as big as me then you defy Newtons third law of motion. But enough about me. My point is we need to get at City Central and be smarter than our opponents on and off the ball. The one thing that grates me this season is players not letting decisions go. How many referees do you know thats admitted to making a mistake? ''Ye, hang on a minute buddy, in actual fact i think you are right, i'm very sorry for any distress i've caused you heres your penalty'' The best way to put right a wrong is to score a goal. Football is corrupt, it's a game of gangsters and con artists. Keep your friends close and your eneimies closer. I say you have to embrace the referee. Treat him as if hes your old mucker, but the second his back is turned, let whomever you are marking know you are there. Don't hate the player, hate the game.

THE PLAYERS

Luke Jerram GK

Luke has been as reliable as my Rolex and has such a mature head on his shoulders. Distribution was a huge weakness for us before Luke came into the side.

Daniel Hanlon MR/DR/ML/DL

Danny is a massive player for the club. He is playing like a player possessed this season. Probably the most improved player i have seen in such a short space of time. As if by over night he is extremely confident on the ball. Give Danny time and space, he'll kill you!

Luke Charles DC/MC

Luke keeps getting better. Hes a modern day centerback with old fashion attributes. I like the way he can get the ball down and feels at home carrying the ball from deep linking with the midfield. He has been awesome for us this season.

Ben "Showboat" Hillman DL/DC/ML/MC

Ben never seizes to amaze. I'm sure he could pull a rabbit out his shorts if you asked him too. The veteran of the team oozes class and remains calm in any situation. Ben reads the game extremely well and is a vital player for us. He is a big game player.

Aaron Froukhians DC/DR/MC

Aaron has had to reinvent himself as a different style of centerback. His pace has been kidnapped and apparently the police are still looking for it. Nowadays Aaron has the speed of an average human. Unlike his younger years when he was proably the fastest player around. Regardess of this Aaron continues to be one of the players of the season. Aaron has strength, power and he hates conceding goals. A great quality to have for any centerback.

Simon Cook DR/GK

How can you be away from the game for so long and all of a sudden stroll right back in and pick up from where you left off. I don't know? But i know a man who does, Simon Cook has done exactly that. Simon has settled down to his old trusty spot at right back this season and made it his own. Simon oozes John Smiths no nonsense approach. He is a big concern for pacey wingers throughout the league.

Ross Baker DR/DC/MR

Well, Well, My son, Ross.

No Comment.

Ross has been unlucky with injuries but is a player with a big heart. He does a lot for this team and you can see he is itching to get back on the field. If he can stay clear of the Thai women, Ross can be a very good player to have.

Adam Mallet DR/MR

Player of the season so far. The good players make the game look effortless. And if you watch Adam for 5 minutes you may think his mind is somewhere else. However once hes on the field, his work rate is amazing. He is awesome at breaking up the oppositions play. Adam is exceptional in the air, strong in the tackle and deserves the highest possible praise so far this season.

Rob Smith Str/MR

Had a good start. Rob faded a little for a few games. His interest was clearly lacking. I'm yet to properly have a look at the kid.

Kevin Booth ML/DL/DC

Kev has a left foot so sweet it would make your teeth rot. When you think of a creative player then Kev has to be up there with the best Totton Town can offer. And believe me, it's of a very high standard. Kevin is an athlete and a very important player for us.

Sam Payne DL/ML/GK

This cheeky chappy won't shut up when hes on the field. Brilliant at winding up the opposition and do you know what else? Sam can play football. Sam is one of our youngest players. He is a very strong defender and is known to score from long range free kicks. He'll do well to take one with Crouchie on the pitch but with a mouth the sizes of Sams, he has a chance.

Leathen Hanlon MC/ML/DL/DC/DR

What happened to him? Playing within himself this season and he knows he is capable of great things but chooses not to deliver. It's laziness more than anything. His first two games of the season were very special but unfortunately he hasn't sorted his head out and it's showed on the pitch. Theres plenty of the season left for Leathen to start playing again and if this happens, watch out!

Mat Froukhians MC/STR/DC

Mat is the heart of Totton Town Football club. He is the Roy Keane of the side. He would prefer to be discribed as the Vierra of the team but Vierra was more of a silent hitman than a ruthless warrior. He has the respect of every player in the team. Matt never puts in less than 110% in a football match and demands that every player follows their captain. If I could pick somebody to be in the trenches with, then it would be Matt without a doubt. Lovely lad.

Daniel Gain Str/MC/ML/MR/DC/DR/DL/GK

One half of the best strike partnership in the league. I felt we needed Daniel in the midfield at the start of the season to carry the ball from deep but we started playing him upfront and the rest is history. He can devastate teams on his own. His ability to hold onto the ball for long periods is second to none. I'd shake hands with anybody who can take the ball off him. The player they call Crouchie is having an incredible season. He is a different class.

Liam Hanlon Str/MC/ML/MR/DL/DR/GK

Liam is quite possibly Robbie Fowler and Craig Bellemy's love child. He is by far the best natural finisher around and a player who likes to cut corners. He is one of the most intelligent footballers i have worked with. Liams qualities are in abundance and i won't be surprised if he gets 50 goals this season.

GLENN BAKER - QUESTION TIME

Where were you 3 hours ago?

I was in bed with charlie my cat.

Who are you in love with?

What?? My wife, Lesley Baker

Have you ever eaten a crayon?

You what? have i ever eaten a crayon?, Don't be ridiculous!

Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

Not right now, but your eye might be if this carrys on!

Are you wearing socks right now?

Ye, black ones, why?

Do you have a car worth more than £2,000?

Ha, my lawn mower is worh more than £2,000!!

What are you wearing right now?

A black tight top, black trousser and my nike trainers,, what is this??

What was the last thing you had to drink?

Guiness.

Worst injury you 've ever had?

Thats better, well i busted my knee pretty bad. You see that scarr, well they didn't have a scalpal at the time so they had to cut it open with a buter knife, i was in surgery for 43 hours and i was wide awake. I declined the sleep drugs, i'm not a whimp.

When is the last time you ran?

I don't know but i'll be running after you right now,,,, come here!!!!

WHACK!!!!!!!!!

Interview terminated.